10. Schadenfreude: That warm, grim feeling of satisfaction you get from watching planes crash, stocks plummet and presidential candidates debate. Best to dampen this enthusiasm in preparation for a Holy Easter.
9. Foxhunting: Bloodsports are generally discouraged in the 40 days before Our Lord shed His.
8. Discussing the �spiritual problems� of a friend with everyone you know, �so they�ll remember to pray for him.�
7. Writing single-spaced letters of complaint to: a) The local bishop, b) The Vatican, or c) The Catholic League for Civil and Religious Rights.
6. Forwarding emails of the following types:
- Jokes that make people groan audibly at their workstations�especially any and all puns
- Chain letters disguised as lucrative �marketing tests� from Microsoft or St. Jude Novenas
- News of epidemic diseases that are being �covered up by the Feds�
- Recent, unapproved Marian apparitions that warn of �U.N. one-world government�
- Memoirs of alien abductions (especially if true)
- Last requests from terminally-ill kids that entail forwarding an email to all your friends. (Remember, the dying children can wait until the Resurrection!)
- Nigerian-based financial scams.
5. Hand-rolled cigars or French cigarettes (smoking the cheap ones is a penance).
4. Visiting churches with appalling liturgies, just to count the abuses (see Schadenfreude, above).
3. Lingerie shopping and gun shows.
2. Lurid daydreams�romantic or violent�about your boss.
1. Conspiracy Theories (except those involving the Masons�these are always acceptable for Catholics).
